the robot and the slip n slide

I'd like to take a moment to talk about Brazilian television.

From the small sample of it I've seen (none during primetime) I've had enough orgasmic WTF moments to last several lifetimes.

Let's start with the robot:

As I sat one afternoon in a miserable waiting room, I began to notice that nobody around me was miserable. They seemed downright pleased. I followed their collective gaze to a large TV, on which a twelve-foot storm trooper-like robot was dancing.

But by dancing I mean the white man's overbite style: step-tap step-tap, swaying side to side. like, not dancing, but 'dancing.'

On either side of this robot were two young women with huge breasts and juicy asses (there's no other way to describe their asses) in tank tops and hot pants, also dancing the white man's overbite, though with a little more wiggle and grace than the robot.

This went on for a full five minutes.

In the studio audience were hundreds of screaming fans, most of whom were young attractive females.

After an astoundingly long time a white-haired gentleman appeared with a microphone and seemed to be the emcee. He interviewed one of the screaming juicy-assed fans in the audience and people on and around the TV cheered.

Next a young attractive man in tight clothing arrived on stage and joined the robot and girls dancing.

Almost immediately this young man was beaten off the stage with a foam noodle wielded by the older emcee. The audiences roared approval.

That very night i begged my best friend back in New York to come visit as soon as possible. I'm afraid that once I understand Portuguese the experience of these shows just won't be the same and I'd like to share it with her, preferably stoned.

Now lets get to the asses on the Slip 'n Slide:

Late one sleepless night I landed on what was perhaps a gameshow.

About a dozen women standing in a row, every other one young, buxom, beautiful and in a bikini.

Every other one was fully clothed, less groomed, older-looking and ok, several were large folks. I would later learn that these were the bikini girls' moms.

All were standing on a very large grassy hill, where a regular Slip 'n Slide - complete with the sad tiny 'splash pool' - was arranged. It looked greased with something like dish soap.

Now I grew up on shows like Fun House and GUTS and Double Dare and Wild and Crazy Kids, shit filmed on sound stages or in custom-built parks, with multimillion dollar jungle gyms and circus gear installed. A Slip 'n Slide on a hill already seemed way more practical.

I knew it was a game show because they were introducing the contestants with still shots of each of them on the hill in her bikini, followed by five second clippies of each turning around and shaking her ass.

Beside their asses would appear their stats: age, height, weight, and some stuff I'm not brazilian enough (YET) to translate. These ass shaking and stat displays were accompanied by voiceovers from each girl's mom, and capped off with a shot of each mom woman looking serious and nodding solemnly.

Next the girl in question would walk toward the Slip 'n Slide, where she was handed a life-sized toy chicken.

Then, on a LOUD go-ahead from the host, she'd crouch and begin her slippery decent to the splash pool.

With fascinating agility the camera crew were able to track each ass as it trembled with the turbulence of the irregular terrain beneath the yellow tarp. American rock music played for the duration of each run.

After each splash landing the mom-figure would talk again, apparently commenting on her daughter's performance. More than one wept, overwhelmed with pride.

Spike, get on a plane.