FIVE PARKING SPACES

I noticed while looking for apartments online that many of them seem to have weird ratios of stuff, like three bedrooms, two bathrooms, FIVE PARKING SPACES. Or two bedrooms, one bathroom, FIVE PARKING SPACES. 

I started to wonder who in the F needs FIVE PARKING SPACES. And somebody told me it’s because of traffic.

See, there are too many cars in São Paulo and the traffic is oppressive. So the city government made up this rule that each car can only drive in the city on certain days. 

So the super smart rich people came up with a SOLUTION! They bought more cars! This way they would be able to drive every day of the week. 

And that is how cars came to outnumber household members in the land of Brazil.

The End.

Wait, not really the end. That sounded uber judgmental and now I feel bad.

So i will admit something ‘hypocritical’ about myself. Ehem:

I don’t think I’m as offended by how pathologically selfish and dick it is to buy a bunch of cars when too many cars are the problem; I think I’m outraged because I’m jealous.

Not of having five cars, cause who wants to clean that noise, but of having FIVE PARKING SPACES.

I lived in brooklyn for four years and manhattan for three. Parking spaces are like liquid gold. Parking spaces are nirvana-bliss-heaven in a chocolate popcorn Tabasco. 

Finding a parking space is like hitting a grand slam in the bottom of the ninth when your team was about to lose by three and then you score a touchdown and shoot a three pointer all at the same time. 

Parking spaces are like god massaging your neck and shoulders while jesus gives you a mani-pedi and the virgin mary gives you a facial. And these kids have FIVE.

OF THEIR OWN.