crimes

People ask a lot about how dangerous it is here. And instead of finding statistics and maybe quoting a smart person who analyzes statistics, I'd like to just share a bunch of crime anecdotes. That way you will learn nothing.

*Our neighbors were carjacked at gunpoint. I don't remember where they were driving or what time of day it was, but they asked the carjackers if they could take some stuff they needed out of the glove compartment (I think for insurance) and the carjackers let them. So that was nice.

*A year ago a woman was kidnapped right outside my pilates studio. But not a full-blown Man on Fire kidnapping where the kidnappers send ransom notes with pieces of ears and stuff. Just kind of a light kidnapping. A Kidnapping Light. It only lasted the one afternoon. The kidnappers drove her to various ATMs and had her withdraw piles of cash. Then they drove her to a favela and left her there with no money and no phone. So that wasn't very nice, but at least they didn't keep her in a dark room with a chemical toilet and send her husband ears.

*Mark's colleague's wife was house-robbed at gunpoint and the dudes took a bunch of stuff out of their house. That was probably bad.

*My old Portuguese teacher was mugged. Or rather, attempted-mugged. A dude ran up to him and his friend and demanded all their money. They shrugged and said they didn't have any. And the dude ran away. So that's just… funny.

*My new Portuguese teacher was mugged while out jogging. Two dudes took her engagement ring. That was sad, but it happened a long time ago and she said she's kind of relieved to not be wearing an expensive coisa around and worrying about someone mugging her and taking it.

*My across-the-street neighbors were robbed home invasion style while just the woman was home.  This is a bizarre one. in this case the perpetrators were caught and found to have been students looking to get some money to go away for the weekend. This baffled the bejesus out of me. Students? Weekend trip? Maybe they wanted some drugs? Probably drugs. But the icing: they were acquitted because one of them was the spawn of someone important. I think is what someone said.

*My old Portuguese teacher's young friend was assaulted and murdered. This is perhaps the worst thing I've ever heard from someone I know. For sure it's the worst. It was even hard to type just now.

So I guess maybe the answer is 'very.' it's very dangerous here, but I think (based on nothing) that many many people use this as an excuse to never engage with the city. Or rather, they become obsessed with crimes and ergo never want to engage with the city.

For example we had the option to live in a 'vila,' as many people do. A vila is essentially a gated community. Some are clusters of apartment towers, some groups of houses. Some are whole neighborhoods, some just part of a street. But when you live in a vila, your security is to a certain extent guaranteed.

They had appeal - especially the apartamentos. Every one we looked at had incredible community amenities like huge indoor and outdoor pools, state-of-the-art gyms, cool party spaces, on-campus shops, and concierge staff. You know, like, stuff only the mega-stacks have in New York. For a while I  just assumed I'd live out my days in Brazil in an apartment the sky. And I'd have a huge group of ex-pat friends who live in the same vila and we go to the pool and the gym together and watch Avenida Brasil on a jumbo-tron in our building's screening room.

We ended up making our decision - to not do any of that and instead live in a house on a normal, unenclosed street - because of our dogs. We need to walk them and going up and down elevators, through security, then walking a quarter of a mile down a well manicured driveway to get to the real world where dogs are allowed to poop… well, that sounded like a giant boo-fest.

But I'm glad we didn't move into a vila for other reasons, namely crimes. Or rather, because 'mentality on crimes.'

It seems that living in a vila trains your mind to think the world outside is just crimes. I see people living this lifestyle of insular bubblehood, only leaving their secured bubble to drive in a bullet-proof car to the security-bubbled shopping mall and back, and i wonder if I'm perhaps not the one more likely to be mugged. Maybe they are.

We never bought a car. We meant to, just never got around to it. Mark caused international scandal by using the ônibus to commute to work. I walk everywhere, or use the metro, which is a thirty-five minute walk from our house. And for serious, we're not special. Millions of commuters here do the same shit every hour.

And not kidding, I think I'm less likely to be mugged than the ex-pats who think the world outside their bulletproof cars wants nothing but to mug them.

I'm starting to want to mug them...

It's like my mean gay friend Rafa said. You get to know the way a city moves. You know it. You understand how it works, and you're not unsafe.

(Or something like that. I was half-listening. I was drunk.)

But all this being said, there are a few adjustments I made to life when I got here from the US. TYhese were:

I don't walk around alone at night
I don't wear jewelry
I don't wear nice clothing (OK that's disingenuous. I never wore nice clothing. But here sweatpants are smart of me. I guess I should admit that I never wore jewelry before either.)
I don't use my phone in public
I don't listen to music while walking around alone
I keep a maxi pad in my backpack with a R$50 bill hidden inside so if I get mugged I can embarrass the muggers by asking to keep the absorvente and also have R$50 to get home. Double win.

And THAT being said, I still might become a victim of crimes. I hope not, and I'll do what I can not to, but I feel like my self-righteousness above kind of means I should and probably will be mugged. Socorro!