midgies, mozzies, and why it's key to find the ozzies

'Midgie bites.' (But 'bites' sounds like 'baw-ites.')

'Nah, those are mozzies, mate.' (But 'mate' sounds like 'mite.')

'You know what, I think they're midgies and mozzies.'

'You're right mate, some of those are midgies and some of 'em are mozzies.'

***

I can't stress this enough: if ever you find yourself at any kind of establishment hosting an international crowd, FIND THE AUSTRALIANS.

It's not just that their accents provide endless entertainment, or how their amazing terminology for stuff does the same. (MIDGIES? MOZZIES?)

It's that the Australians are the most laid-back motherfuckers on the planet, and they will make you chill the hell out too. I swear that after one caipirinha with Sean I was no longer afraid of heights.

Example:

Scene - Me and the American dude we met arguing semi-ANGRILY about the upcoming presidential election (cause remember this all happened in October.) Australian dude chimes in.

Australian Dude: I'm not very political. I only ever voted in one election, maybe twenty years ago. My girlfriend was pregnant, so I voted for the fella who was gonna legalize abortion. He won, my girlfriend got an abortion, and I haven't voted since. (LAUGHS)

Cill: I thought you guys just said voting in Australia is mandatory.

Australian dude: It is! (ALL LAUGH)

Example 2:

Scene - We're all meeting for the first time.

Aussie 1: I'm Sean. (But 'Sean' sounds like somewhere in between 'Shone' and 'Shoon.'

Aussie 2: I'm Bruce.

Cill: G'DAY BRUCE! I'm sorry. I've just always wanted to meet an ozzie named Bruce so I could do that. You must get that all the time.

Bruce: Not really.

Cill: I'm sorry.

Bruce: No you're not.

Cill: No. I'm not.

(ALL LAUGH)

For the rest of the night, whenever there is a lull in conversation:

Cill (increasingly drunk): G'DAY BRUCE!

Bruce (somehow still cool with it, laughing): You really have been waiting years to do this, haven't you?

Cill: G'DAY BRUCE!

Bruce: I'm glad for you.

Cill: G'DAY BRUCE!

Bruce: I mean it.

Cill: G'DAY BRUCE!

(Bruce laughs every time this happens. Instead of, you know, punching me in the head.)

Example 3:

Scene - The american dude has initiated yet another 'let's go round the table and everyone say your favorite ________ of all time.' He has all his answers at the ready, almost as if he initiates this game wherever he goes. We've done everyone's favorite book, song, movie, and now, slogan.

Sean: Don't give a shit.

American Dude: No, but if you HAD to pick one--

Sean: No, that'd be my slogan: 'Don't give a shit.'

Cill: I like that! that would be mine too.

***

See? the most laid-back motherfuckers on the planet and they chill you on out too.

I realize it's idiotic to make such generalizations about people, especially people from a country so big it's almost its own continent, and it's probably offensive to say they're all the same.

But you know who's probably least likely to be offended?

The ozzies.

Because they are the chillest motherfuckers ever.