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I murdered a baby.

But let me explain.

One of the activities Tickby signed us up for was Piranha Fishing. 

I know! Sounds awesome, right? Piranhas are badass killers and WE were going to go looking for THEM and then (not kidding) make SOUP OUT OF THEM. These shits are like freshwater sharks. We were gonna hunt down a bunch of river sharks, pull them into our boat, and turn them into dinner. AWESOME.

Though i'm a vegetarian, bordering on vegan, and i'm not actually ever going to eat piranha soup. Or kill a piranha really. So um… there's that.

Just so we can remain friends: I don't care if you eat meat, I just don't want to. I'm not a tormented animal rights activist who torments others about morals and stuff. Or like, ethics or whatever. Enjoy your bacon burger. I don't mind.

But um, fish is one dead-animal-food that I do feel slightly sick and sad over. I can't help it, I think it's f-ed, to kill something by putting a hook through its lips and then stomping on its head or air-drowning it. F-ed.

I wasn't about to say any of this in the rowboat on our way up the Ariau river to go piranha fishing. I mean, I'm cool with people like our guides, who hunt and fish for just enough for for dinner and then eat it all. Also i didn't want everyone to make fun of me.

So I said I'd just rather not join in, for now I'd just take a few pictures. 

Our guide was apparently familiar with the likes of me.

Very patiently he said, "Cill, we need to control the piranha population. There are too many piranhas, and they're killing the caimans and all the other fish."

Hmm, thought Cill. I would be killing fish, but only fish-killers of other fish. I would be a killer of killers. I would be Dexter. 

Dexter is my favorite show.

So I decided to give it a whirl, even though it was pretty gross how we were using morsels of red meat as bait and handling them was a boner-fied gag-fest. 

But fine. I dropped my line into the river.

Tug. TUG. TUG. TUG. 

My first tug-job was a CATFISH. I had been Dexter for only like thirty seconds and already killed an innocent. Plus he looked like my 9th grade Earth Science teacher, which made it even sadder. 

'Don't worry Cill, he's okay!' our guide laughed, pulling the barbed hook out of Mr. Nelson's lips and throwing him back into the river (where he would likely be tracked and killed by a piranha in three nano-milli-seconds).

'Again!' shouted our guide. 

Soon came my second tug-job, lighter than the first.

BECAUSE IT WAS A BABY.

True, it was a deadly piranha, a river killer, and it had probably just gone all wood-chipper on Mr. Nelson. But it was only a baby.  

I was done. 

Everyone else had fun laughing at me and catching grown-up piranhas. And later in the dining hall there was fresh piranha soup, which Tickby said was delicious.

(gag.)