more poopaganda

Ooops!!! I did poop. Now you have to clean.

reading livros

I was reading my Pequeno Nicolau book and came across a word I hadn't seen before.

*Sorry, gonna stop here for a humble-brag. Nah, just a brag: I am now reading Portuguese at a third grade level. So, you know, suck it, second-graders. In yo FACE.

Okay anyway, this new word: 'comível.' From the context I knew it meant something like 'good' or 'agreeable.' Pequeno Nicolau's mom was all, "If you don't come to dinner soon, the roast beef won't be comível."

But I looked it up anyway, because I'm in third grade now and it's time to take the reigns of my own learn-on.

I wasn't expecting what Google Translate gave me:

So I'm glad I looked that up. Cause now I know what Pequeno Nicolau's mom really meant.

you are not in the traffic. you are the traffic.

This is some deep graffiti I love. Especially since I only ever see it when I'm walking my dogs.

meet one of my neighbors

Some people in the US have birdhouses. Here in Brazil we kick that up a notch.

don't make my sidewalk your dog's bathroom

poopaganda

garbage pedestals

I know this is probably one of those things I think is fun about Brazil and then one of you jerks says, 'Yeah, we have those in Detroit,' but I'm sharing anyway because it's special to me.

Garbage pedestals. Garbage in a basket on a stick.

Just seems enchanted.

I have nothing else to say about this.

cill's phrase book / pronunciation guide part 1

You have plenty of time to practice these before the World Cup. You're welcome.

BOM DIA - This means 'good morning,' literally 'good day.' And introducing the mind-fuck that is Portuguese: the D here doesn't make a D sound, it makes a J sound. Furthermore, an M at the end of a word is pronounced like an N. Don't worry about it. Just imagine there is a girl named Gia and you would like to bone her. So someone asks you what you would like to do and you answer, "Bone Gia." BOM DIA.

TUDO BEM - This has many many live uses, but TUDO means 'all' and BEM means 'well,' so think 'all is well.' People say it all the time, as a question, like our 'How are you?' and an answer to that, 'I'm fine. All's well? All's well! So it can mean 'Can I get you anything else?' and 'No thanks' and 'Can I come in?' and 'Okay.' You'll know in context. The TUDO isn't tricky, but the BEM is pronounced like Bane. Like from Batman. In fact, pretend…pretend you're a baker and Bane from Batman comes into your bakery every day and orders two doughs. So your nickname for him is "Two-Dough Bane." But say it fast. You sound great. TUDO BEM.

*There's also TUDO BOM. "Two-Dough Bone."

OBRIGADA - If you're a dude, skip to the next paragraph. This is huge, it's how you say thank you in Portuguese. It's pronounced pretty much how it looks, just make the O nice and round like 'oh' and the 'i' makes a long 'e.' And if you can, mini-roll the R. "OhBreeGAHdDah!" Like…hmmm… -- like you're having an orgasm eating some Brie cheese. OHBRIEGODDAH! emphasize the second-last syllable. My only request: don't pronounce the latter half as 'gotta,' like you're saying 'Oh, brie gotta stop doing that.' Hit the D. Have a cheese-gasm. That way you won't sound like what Christian Bale might call a 'fuckin amateur.' OBRIGADA.

OBRIGADO - If you're a woman, skip to the next paragraph. This is important. it's how you say thank you in Portuguese. And the pronunciation is pretty simple. remember Brigadoon? No? It's okay to admit you like musical theater. Imagine you're singing 'Oh Brigadoon,' and you're almost there. Just drop the N at the end (yeah an O at the end of a word is like an 'ooh'), roll the R a little if you can, and say the 'brig' like 'breeg.' "Oh-bree-GAH-dooh." But fast. OBRIGADO.

POR FAVOR - If you need help with this one, maybe see if you can refund your ticket. It's like Spanish. Means 'please.' Use it liberally. POR FAVOR.

SIM - This is important, it means yes, and it sounds a lot like the spanish "Si!' you can just say Si if you want. If you listen closely though you can sometimes here the N sound at the end, or even an NG, like it's 'Seeng.' So either 'scene' or 'seeng' will do, if you just swallow those last consonants a little. Or don't worry about it and just say Si. See? SIM.

NÃO - This means 'no,' and I guess it's pretty important, depending on your personality. It's pronounced more like our English "Now." but if you want to go strong, add a little nasal to it, so it's like 'neh-ehu,' but fast. It will sound mean and sardonic, like how you used to show derision as a child, but it's correct. Listen for it when you eavesdrop on Brazilian conversations. You'll see. It's normal. Not f-ed. NÃO.